First, if you are visiting us because you've lost a beloved family member, we hope you will accept our sympathies and find some comfort here. You are not alone!
If you've come here because you've been wrestling with the decision of whether or not to euthanize your pet, you have our sympathies as well. We often counsel people in your situation, and there is one thought that seems especially meaningful when your pet first becomes ill or shows signs of aging, you must promise yourself (and your pet) that you will monitor yourself as carefully as you monitor the health of this other family member. When the day (hour or minute) comes that you are keeping the animal alive for yourself rather than his or her sake, it's time to let go. There is a time in the lives of our pets when euthanasia is the most humane thing that we can do for them. Be sure to read further in the section on "Coping with the choice to euthanize your pet."
Grieving the loss of your pet
Responses to a pet's death vary depending on the personal opinions on life and death, religious beliefs, circumstances of the death, and how close you were to the pet. It's important to remember that it's natural to grieve. Do not be ashamed or embarrassed of your feelings.
Remember that the grieving process takes time, the length of which varies from person to person.
Typical responses
When a pet dies, there are four responses that will usually be felt by those who loved the pet. These responses are as follows:
- Guilt: feeling there was something you could have done to prevent the death.
- Anger: needing to blame someone or something for your pet's death as a way of venting your frustration.
- Denial: not believing your pet has died, or putting off thinking about it. (This is usually an immediate and passing reaction.)
- Depression: signaled by having a lack of motivation,problems with eating or sleeping, crying a lot and/or keeping feelings to yourself.
** Remember, these reactions are completely normal. There is no need to be embarrassed or shamed if you feel them. Usually the best way to overcome each feeling is just to let it run its course.
Coping with your loss
- Let yourself grieve.
- Remember the good times you had with your pet.
- Seek comfort with sympathetic family members and friends.
- Support groups are often offered through humane societies and veterinary clinics.
Helping your children cope
Children should be included in the mourning process. If nothing else, children can learn about the confusing concept of death through the loss of a pet. The important thing is to be honest with them. Do not tell them that the pet ran away, that the doctor made a mistake, or that it was "put to sleep." Such explanations can confuse or scare children, making them think that they are somehow at fault. The doctor may make a mistake on them too, or they may "go to sleep" and never wake up . Explain the pet's death in terms they can understand. There are many good books available that will help you with this difficult task.
Helping your other pet cope
If you have other pets, you will find that they may also go through a grieving process. You can help your pet by giving it more time, attention, and love, a new toy (especially a chew toy) can help fill some of the lonely time. Obviously another animal companion is an option, but take into consideration that relationships between pets are just as unique as relationship between people. If you decide on a new pet , take time to make a good match of size, temperament and energy levels.
Adjusting to the loss
- Change your schedule so that you keep busy during the times that you normally spent with your pet.
- Write down the memories you have of your pet or write a story or poem about him or her.
- Make a memorial book about your pet, such as a picture collage or scrapbook. Some people buy statues that are similar in appearance to their pets as a way of remembering them.
- Volunteer at an animal shelter or clinic to help those animals who aren't as fortunate as your pet.
Coping with the accidental death of your pet
When your pet dies as the result of an accident, the expected sadness is heightened by a sense of shock and guilt. While there is no way to reduce the shock of such a loss because it happens so unexpectedly, you can help yourself overcome the guilt you are feeling.
Guilt is naturally felt when a pet dies, regardless of circumstances. You must remember to see the situation for what it is...an accident. An accident means that you didn't want it to happen; you didn't knowingly or purposely cause it. If you didn't try to make the accident happen, but in reality tried to give your pet the best possible life , how could you be at fault? Remember that no amount of preparation or precaution can guarantee any pet complete safety.
You're not a bad pet owner because your pet has an unfortunate accident. Bad pet owners are those who have pets and don't care what happens to them. If a pet ran away or died, the owner wouldn't care...but because you cared so much about your pet that you blame yourself for its accidental death, you were a concerned pet owner. Your pet's life was probably a very happy one because you were a part of it.